I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
