Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
