No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
