the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
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