Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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