The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
40s are totally the cure
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize