Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
