How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize