I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
