So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
