Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize