what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
