Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize