and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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