hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize