I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
