Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
