Me. At least after what I've been through.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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