In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
