Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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