how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
