PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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