She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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