What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
