So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
