sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
