I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
