my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I pour the whiskey from now on
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
