What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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