as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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