my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
