I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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