I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
