i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
