Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
