I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
