I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize