I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
