We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
