I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
