Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
