Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Sorry about my life...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize