i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
