how can u be prego again
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
