shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
