Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
