Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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