so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
