Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
