If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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