hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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