just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
