Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
