And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
