it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
