just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
