Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
