I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
