how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
