Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
